I’m the Draft List at This Brewery and No, You Can’t Have a Light Beer - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2024

I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

Survey: Did You Like Our Ad For Anti-Anxiety Medication? - Points In Case, 2023

The Feeling Might Not Come Back - HAD, 2023

How I’m “Celebrating” International Women’s “Day,” a “Holiday” That Is Totally “Fine” - Cosmopolitan, 2021

If I Moved Back To My Hometown, As Envisioned By My Parents - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

Seven Under-Eye Creams That Will Fix Your Aging, Worthless Face - The Belladonna, 2023

A Note From Your Friends at Federal Student Aid - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

QUIZ: Can You Get Your Invoice Paid? - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

I’m the Two to Three Years’ Experience You Need For This Entry-Level Job McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2019

I’m Your 5PM Depression Shower and I’m Back, Baby - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2020

Tweets from the Bath & Body Works Crisis Communications Team in the Year 2030 - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

As the Author of this Sex Column, I Assure You, I Have Had Sex Before - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

The Only Good Films Are the Ones the Internet Has to Explain to You, According to Me, a Guy Who Took One Film Class in College - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2020

A Peek Inside our 37-Step Hiring Process - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2020

As If Things Weren’t Bad Enough, You Also Like Sparkling Water Now - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2020

I’m the 4:30 PM Sunset and I’d Like to Clarify a Few Things - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2020

Human Teeth Development Meeting Notes - - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, 2021

Global Pandemic Phone Etiquette, as Suggested by Your Mother - Points In Case, 2020

I’m the $250 You’re About to Blow on Throw Pillows - The Belladonna, 2020